Porn as Meditation
Exploring your relationship with porn
The moment before you pull up porn,
Ask yourself: What are you currently feeling?
Sometimes the feeling is horniness, of course.
Often, the feeling isn’t so sexy.
Why Do People Watch Porn?
Often, porn is watched after feeling loneliness.
Loneliness can feel disturbing;
Porn can feel soothing.
The soothing feeling of watching two people connect -
A connection you want.
The soothing feeling of watching someone being desired as they are -
A feeling you want.
Mirror neurons light up as if it’s happening to you.
Pleasure is nice, too.
Masturbation can be great self care.
Perhaps you’re feeling touch starved like many in the modern world.
Maybe your body is signaling for you to listen.
Listen.
Porn:
An itch scratched.
(Momentary) relief.
How cool that masturbation can be such a tool to tend to the discomforts of life.
Deeper Awareness
Check for yourself next time:
The moment before you pull up porn
What difficult feeling do you no longer have to feel now that you’re watching porn?
Instead of bulldozing the feeling with porn -
what a wonderful opportunity!
To meet yourself where you are;
To develop a kinder relationship with that feeling.
Next time,
as an experiment,
before watching porn
perhaps try:
Naming that difficult feeling
Inviting that difficult feeling to be felt for a moment
Accepting yourself in experiencing this feeling
Feeling the sensations of the feeling
By connecting with your feelings and sensations
You’re no longer alone to yourself
What has happened to your loneliness, now?
And then watch porn if you still wanna.
How cool that masturbation can be such a tool to tend to the discomforts of life!
What To Do Next
Use loneliness as a life compass: One time before watching porn, sit and listen to your loneliness for a second, as a helpful compass - not a problem. What positive thing is it hoping for you? Write down 1 change it wants you to make in your life. Often my clients who report porn addiction find that their “addiction” to porn goes away on its own - not when they focus on changing porn habits, but when they create a more connected life.
Get more touch: How can you get more touch in life? What is it like to ask for and receive non-sexual touch? Can you ask for touch from friends, get a massage, take a warm bath, or cuddle a pet? Study how you feel after you’ve received 15 minutes of touch. Has life slowed down? Can you feel gravity on your shoulders more? What has changed in your breath?
Remove shame from porn: Shame breeds disconnection from self and can lead to addiction - can you let yourself watch porn without shame? What happens to your usage of porn now? Does it become healthier or less healthy? How cool that masturbation can be such a tool to tend to the discomforts of life!
Create a relationship with loneliness: Check what loneliness feels like as sensations in your body before acting on it. Just that moment of pause creates space for a new relationship with the disturbing feeling. Try for yourself and see if loneliness is a wave that comes and goes, without you needing to do anything about it (as long as you allow it and don’t run from it).
If you’re struggling with porn addiction, or with touch in your partnership, feel free to reach out at www.aaronfrazin.com